Yes, Maureen Dowd, men are necessary

LORI BORGMAN/Knight Ridder Newspapers | December 2 2005

There are a lot of things I sometimes think I'd like to be, but a man is never one of them.

Talk about a group maligned, vilified and marginalized.

For the most part - abusers, perverts and slackers aside - most men are stand up guys. They work hard. They create, tinker, build, engineer and achieve. They take carping, criticizing and complaining on the chin, and rarely get the thanks they deserve.

And now comes New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd's new book asking "Are Men Necessary?"

In the name of equality, I hope there will be a future release titled, "Is Maureen Dowd Necessary?"

Ms. Dowd needs $25.95 and 352 pages to answer the question as to whether men are necessary.

This Mrs. needs no cash and will answer the question in fewer than 500 words.

Are men necessary?

Yes, absolutely, positively yes.

How do we need thee? Let me count the ways:

The primary reason we need men is because they are not women. ("Hallelujah Chorus" should be sung here.)

Not that the feminist movement didn't try to make men into women. They gave it their best shot over the years, nudging boys to trade in their cowboy hats and chaps for dolls that wet and Suzy Homemaker ovens, and urging men to get in touch with their softer side, emote more frequently and turn from being brutes and oppressors.

Some men accepted the upbraiding without blinking. Others simply said, "Huh?" or "What channel is the game on?"

As feminism evolved, it split into two camps. Equity feminists focused on the need for equal pay and equal opportunity. Gender feminists ("A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle)" carved out the disposability of men and abortion rights as their hallowed ground. Today, gender feminists use words like herstory instead of history and make visits to the wymyns room.

Through sheer strength and frequent spikes of testosterone, men have managed to survive. And a lot of women are glad they did.

Men are necessary because men complement women.

Men protect.

Men provide.

Men take responsibility.

Men tend to be steady.

Men temper womens' concerns for security and safety with a sense of adventure and risk.

Men teach boys what it means to be male.

Men and women together can accomplish what neither is able to accomplish alone.

Men tend to be direct and have simple needs; chief among these would be food, love and respect, though not necessarily in that order.

And ladies, this seems like a good place to mention Relationship Tip No. 37: Do not attempt to turn your man into your girlfriend. Do you seriously think shopping is going to be his thing?

Last year in our nation, 1.5 million babies were born out of wedlock. These children have no "man of the house," no dad who wants to marry mom. Statistics say the overwhelming majority of these kids will be at risk for a variety of dangers and behaviors. In simple terms, life is going to whoop the stuffin' right out of a great number of them.

Are men necessary? Very much so. It is a tragedy we have spent so long telling them they weren't.

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