The Council of Europe has amended its
cybercrime treaty to devise criminal penalties for those who dare to
express unpopular ideas for public consumption with any manner of
computer equipment. The measure specifically targets so-called
'racist and xenophobic material', and would apply to any
controversial Web-site, or even a mean-spirited posting to a BBS or
an e-mail newsletter.
Rather than waste public revenues
educating people and encouraging them to respect each other, the CoE
has taken the cheap, small-town Protestant route of criminalizing
the mere expression
of disrespect. That is, Europe will make
a crime of the symptom while placidly ignoring the disease.
The venerable Eurocrats have decreed that, "'racist and
xenophobic material' means any written material, any image or any
other representation of ideas or theories, which advocates, promotes
or incites hatred, discrimination or violence, against any
individual or group of individuals, based on race, colour, descent
or national or ethnic origin, as well as religion if used as pretext
for any of these factors."
This will make the world a better
place because criminalizing certain forms of speech is
scientifically proven to eliminate the underlying sentiment. Really,
I read that on a match cover.
The actual criminal act is
"making publicly available, through a computer system" any of the
CoE's forbidden thoughts. And be warned; there's a nice weasel
clause for carriers -- the CoE castrators are very smart. They know
that if they held carriers liable the carriers would lobby this
piece of bureaucratic abuse into the dust bin. You are on your own
here, and by clever design. You will either take to the streets
and sternly warn your government that you will not
be told what you can and cannot say, or you will be told what you
can and cannot say.
We should like to think that this
madness won't stand long; but as Chesterton noted, it's the business
of Liberals to make imbecilic mistakes like these, and the business
of Conservatives to ensure that they never get fixed.
all is not lost. There is a significant loophole for on-line
religious hatred, no doubt because the Progressive Prods in Brussels
and Strasbourg can't sleep while the Roman Catholic Church and its
members still breathe.
Thus this frightening 'proud and
loving memorial' and stern warning to Roman Catholics making it
clear that their lives are cheap in Orangeland will be fair to post:
As will my little parody of it (involving the coat of
arms of His Holiness John Paul II, in case you don't get the joke):
But sadly, it might be a crime for Orange Neanderthals to
disseminate this militant little corker (honest, lads, it made
me laugh too) giving talkaholic Gerry Adams decidedly
Oh, and golliwog will also probably become a criminal
word which will have to be deleted from this article, as well as
from the databases of on-line dictionaries. Fortunately the Ministry
of Truth has designed a little bit of Newspeak with which I can edit
this article in a year or two when it becomes a criminal act for
The Register to host it: I can do a text search and replace
golliwog with "person of colour".
This worries me because
once forbidden thought is purged from the Net, there will be no way
for cooperative, high-minded people like me to learn whether a word
is offensive in some racist or xenophobic way. It's entirely
possible that by purging the lexicon of xenophobia, we innocent,
civic-minded do-gooders may unintentionally break the law and draw
criminal penalties upon ourselves.
So I think it only
prudent, in the best interests of future European law enforcement,
recognizing the mortification that our noble knights in blue uniform
experience at the mere thought of innocents being prosecuted, to
warn my readers ahead of time that 'Mick' and 'Paddy' are offensive
slang for the Irish; 'Limey', 'Inselaffe' and 'Bifteck' for the
English; 'Polack' for Poles; 'Kraut' for Germans; 'Frog' for the
French; 'Chink' for the Chinese; 'Dink', 'Slant', 'Nip', 'Gook' and
'Slope' for most other East Asians; 'Wog' and 'Dot' for East
Indians; 'Nigger' (not to be confused with the friendly 'Nigga'),
'Spade', 'Porch Monkey', 'Jig' or 'Jigaboo', 'Coon', 'Pickaninny',
'Kefir', 'Spearchucker' and 'Tarbaby' for black Africans; 'Abbo' for
Australian natives; 'Kike', 'Yid', 'Sheenie' and 'Hebe' for Jews;
'Sand Nigger' and 'Raghead' for Arabs; 'Spic' for non-European
Hispanophones; 'Dago' for Italians, Greeks, Spaniards and the
Portuguese (though 'Wog' is sometimes applied here); 'Wop' and
'Guinea' for Italians in the USA; 'Canuck' for Canadians; and last
but not least, 'Yank' for Americans.
On the other hand,
'Papist' is objectionable slang for a Roman Catholic, but the CoE is
delighted with it so long as you have no intention of insulting my
religious beliefs in order to insult my Irishness. If it's
only my Church you're threatening, or my person insofar as I would
advance Her agenda, and you don't call me a Paddy, all is well and
you're free to call me a Papist and recommend that I be shot dead.
Similarly, I can call you a 'Prod' or a 'Neanderthal Orange
throwback' and encourage my Brethren to shoot you dead, so long as I
leave your nationality out of it.
So the CoE is not quite
the spoilsport we originally imagined.
As for epithets, we
may also be able to hang onto 'Raghead', 'Dot', 'Hebe', 'Yid' and
'Kike', so long as it's one's intention to insult another's
Muslimism, Hinduism or Judaism respectively, and confine it to that.
You can advocate killing Arabs insofar as they're Muslims, but NOT
insofar as they're Arabs. Ditto for Frogs, Slopes, Tarbabies,
Hey, this is Progress -- it's for your own
good. Now be a good little castrated citizen and thank your
bureaucrats for their kindly stewardship of your life, and be sure
to kiss a policeman's ass before he gives you a well-deserved
beatdown for impure thoughts. ®
full text of your impending castration
CoE's chirpy press release summarizing it