Internet goes bananas over bizarre ‘Jihad monkey’ report
It’s too bad “The Rumor Doctor” wasn’t practicing at Stars and Stripes during the lead-up to the US invasion of Iraq a few years back which was dependent on false WMD reports. But, thankfully, the independent news source for American troops, which is partially subsidized by the Department of Defense, is currently working hard to refute a silly report that the Taliban is recruiting monkeys to kill US troops.
According to The People’s Daily in China, the Taliban in Afghanistan is “training monkeys to use weapons to attack American troops.”
The newspaper’s bizarre story says the Islamic insurgents have drafted macaques and baboons to be all that they can be, arming them with AK-47 rifles, machine guns and trench mortars in the Waziristan tribal region near the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan.
The monkeys, being rewarded with bananas and peanuts, are being turned into snipers at a secret Taliban training base.
The newspaper says “photos have been widely spread by media agencies and Web sites across the world.”
Most websites mocked the report.
No invader has ever conquered Afghanistan, and now we know why. The monkeys will not allow it. It was a good effort, but it’s time to pack it in. This is no longer a fight we can win.
If the “monkey terrorists” are successfully trained, it could lead to an embarrassing situation if an American soldier is shot and wounded by a monkey on the battlefield. How would he tell his story to family and friends when they ask about his ‘Purple Heart’ medal?
Monkey soldiers of killer doom? Prehensile terror tails and teeth! Trained macaques wielding automatic weapons and Islamofasctist sympathies! The word is finally out: the Taliban is using the CIA’s murder monkey program against us. The troops! The troops!
This article was posted: Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 3:57 am