Who controls the past now controls the future
Who controls the present now controls the past
Who controls the past now controls the future
Who controls the present now?

Now testify!

You conspiracy fools are the laughing stock of ordinary, well-adjusted individuals. You’ve been crying wolf and distorting information for years. Anybody with an iota of real intelligence and critical thinking skills knows that Alex Jones and people like him are basically just undereducated bums who’ve managed to make a pretty good living by synthesizing the repetitiousness of Fox News lies with a deliciously retarded fantasy/fiction/doomsday storyline that involves themes from religious and science fiction cults.

Time and time again his baseless predictions have flopped, yet you cravenly suckle at the greasy nipple of the Rush Limbaugh of conspiracy libertarianism. Just look at the last 12 months. The first prediction in Jones’ grossly oversimplified “evil almighty Neocons” world was that John McCain was going to steal the election from his opponent Barack Obama. Although that was already a ridiculous and unsubstantiated prediction, the absurdity was stepped up a notch several months before the election when Alex whined that martial law was going to be declared instead.

The election arrived, and you all should have felt like total retards. It could not have been a more peaceful arrival of a new president-elect from the Democratic Party.

But this was intolerable to doofus Jones, who desperately clung to the only narrative he’d known for the past 8 years: evil almighty Neocons. He began to backtrack, and rambled that instead of a stolen election and martial law, the Neocons had simply “allowed” for Obama to win the election in order to promote the illusion of an intact democracy. Now, according to the enlightened Texas fatso, there would be a MILITARY COUP at some point between the “staged” election (Nov. 4th) and his inauguration (Jan. 20). Yikes! Long story short, and to my cherished amusement, that never happened either. Barack Obama has safely been our president for over 4 months.

The point is this: Jones and you have been crying wolf for foreign and domestic national elections, foreign and domestic military coups, acts of and/or alleged plots to commit terrorism, the imposition of martial law, “bio-holocaust” swine flu… it goes on forever! Put down your weed pipes, unplug your Xbox, and see that the world is not a comic book. Intelligent, successful world leaders are not trying to silence and imprison and attack and poison and kill you. Relax.

Why can’t you realize that the only conspiracy directly affecting your warped lives is the reality that Alex Jones is profiting off gullible retards who are simply too dimwitted to discern that no matter who holds political power in the Unites States government, no matter what events transpire, and no matter how often his visions never manifest, Jones’ central claims will never ever change. He’s been collecting advertising and sales revenue off you fools for a decade.

Now, after years of abject failure to “debunk” 9/11, the Jonesian cult fiasco has rebranded itself as the last line of defense against the “new world order”. “Subscribe to Prison Planet TV and help us fight the tyranny of the new world order – for only $5.95 a month!” Hahahaha! That line reads like it could have been lifted right out of a South Park script mocking the raw idiocy of your “truth movement” That’s fucking gold! You fools are so blind to the scam you’re embroiled in!

For further evidence of Jones’ ulterior motives, just notice at how many Bush-voting Americans have flocked to “The Obama Deception” YouTube and began patronizing his webpage. The bloated oaf has dollar signs in his eyes. His sad excuse for a film was so hilariously retarded that I knew after literally only 4 minutes that it represented yet another step AJ has waddled toward the abyss of an intellectual coma.

The narrative begins hysterically with an academically unqualified, analytically bankrupt thug making an analogy between the complex international political, banking, business, and media systems with a disgruntled customer at Burger King.

The gimmicks are laughable! I love the sheer paranoia and delusions of grandeur exhibited by a notably well-fed Alex Jones, who childishly pretends that the Bilderbergs — who rule the world, remember — can’t simply close one fucking hotel for a day in advance, but instead have to go all high-school on guests’ asses with some lame gag at 2:00 in the morning. What an embarrassing buffoon this man is. I would be genuinely willing to bet money that one of Jones’ bonehead flunkies just scuttled into the hallway and pulled the fire alarm.

Uhh… I can’t go on… Too many deluded minds to save… brains to reactivate…

The one last thing I’m gonna say is how excited I am to come back in maybe 2 days and see how many non-thinking imbeciles have accused me of being a government agent. Haha! This is going to be great! Some will call me Cointelpro, others will call me Mossad, while still others will suffer from truth-induced temper tantrums of rage and uninterpretable confusion: “gaY! fuckiing FAG media whore!! bigg Jew i bet u jeww jew and corporate cock suckerr FUCK yoU!”

But nobody will accuse me what I really am, which is precisely what none of you had the guts to achieve in life: a 21 year old student currently composing his master’s thesis in international relations.

Start using your brain. You will see that the world is more complex than a Texas bum’s imagination, and truth is more elusive than a punchline.

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