Thursday, Oct 2, 2008
Welcome to the Orewellian world of Newspeak, where words are used to control thoughts. Yesterday, at the bidding of the White House, mainstream news sources across the world magically replaced the term “bail out” with the much more palatable word “rescue.” The Washington Post jumped on board (http://voices.washingtonpost.com/capito…), then Reuters, the Associated Press and Bloomberg all fell into step within minutes, magically replacing “bail out” with “rescue” across all their articles.
It’s as if “bail out” never even existed. This is eerily identical to the world in George Orwell’s 1984 novel, where history is constantly being re-written to conform to the political lies of the present. There is no such thing as a bail out, we’re now being told. Nobody is getting bailed out. We’re all being rescued!
Rescued from what, you might ask? Rescued from the really bad investment decisions of greedy, careless bankers. And HOW are we all being rescued? By giving them more money, of course.
But don’t think it’s simply about rescuing them. No, of course not, you simple fools: It’s about rescuing YOU! Yes, that’s right: this is all being done for the good of the People, because everybody knows that sending $700 billion to pay off the debts of the wealthy elite is the very best way to uplift the economic status of the working poor.
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It makes such perfect sense, I don’t know why we didn’t think of it sooner. I mean, why did we have to wait for a crisis to unleash this brilliant rescue plan? Why not simply hand over hundreds of billions of dollars to failing banks and financial institutions every week? If this is so good for the people, we should have been doing this all along, right?
Of course, it’s very, very important to make sure we all use approved words when describing all this. Because the very term “bail out” implies that somebody is abandoning responsibility for a mess they’ve created. It’s very important that all Americans understand nobody is abandoning any responsibility. In fact, the wealthy elite bankers and financial crooks are taking full responsibility for this mess, and they’re doing it by forcing the taxpayers to clean it up. That’s how seriously they take this situation: They’re so deeply committed to solving the problems they’ve created that they’ll even reach right into YOUR wallet to make it happen!
After all, you didn’t think rescuing all you people would be free, did you? You need rescuing, and there’s a rescue fee required. It’s sort of like what you might pay to be air-lifted by helicopter after breaking your ankle hiking down the Grand Canyon. If you want to be rescued, you gotta pay up.
The same thing’s true with the economy. You want to be rescued? You’ll have to pay.
And why, you might ask, shouldn’t the people who created the mess be required to pay? Well duh… it’s because they’re too busy directing the rescue. Somebody’s gotta be in charge of the rescue, right? And who better qualified to solve this financial mess than the very people who caused it? Do YOU know how to make a trillion dollars vanish into thin air? I doubt it. But these jokers can make that happen before lunch! They know this stuff! That’s why it makes such perfect sense to put them in charge of the rescue plan…
So don’t question any of this. You wouldn’t understand all the brilliant, highly-complex aspects of this rescue package anyway. Just trust your government. Stop asking questions. Hand over a blank check and don’t use the phrase “bail out.” It’s not a bail out, it’s a rescue. Shut up and pay your taxes. And read the Washington Post to stay informed.
And don’t buy gold. You won’t need it. This rescue plan is going to be so incredibly successful that we’ll all be rich. The taxpayers are even going to make money on this rescue! Yes, you heard that right: It’s not even really a rescue, it’s actually just an investment!
Yes, an investment. Your government is now your stock broker. Except you don’t really have a choice in this investment. It’s mandatory. But don’t worry, your mandatory “investment” is going to make you money. Lots of it! And when all these banking assets turn around and become more valuable in the future, we’ll find some way to return all this money to you, the taxpayers. Because you know, your government is fiscally responsible.
Pay no attention to our national debt. Debt doesn’t matter anymore. It’s all about the cash flow, and right now, cash is flowing like a tidal wave into the hands of one person… one person who now controls more than half the entire U.S. economy: Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson.
But don’t worry. Paulson is a great guy! He’ll give you ALL your money back someday, with interest, guaranteed! So technically, it’s not a bail out, or a rescue or even an investment. It’s really just a LOAN to Uncle Sam.
Yep, that’s right: Uncle Sam needs your money for the big “rescue.” But it’s all being done for YOU, of course. And the more you loan Uncle Sam, the more patriotic you are.
You’re a patriot, aren’t you? If you’re a patriot, then you’ll join us in supporting the “rescue” plan, which really isn’t a rescue, but more like a friendly loan to Uncle Sam. We just need a bit of cash right now, just to make it through to the next loan from China, and to sell off all these worthless bank assets that we’re buying with your money. But just as soon as all that’s taken care of, we’ll give you all your money back.
We promise. In fact, we promise with the full faith and credit of the U.S. Government.
This article was posted: Thursday, October 2, 2008 at 3:36 am