July 22, 2004 -- THE
power-moguls and political heavyweights now luxuriating at
ultra-exclusive retreat Bohemian Grove are unaware that they're
being waited on hand-and-foot by a famous gay porn star.
We're told that "Chad Savage," who has appeared in such
carnal classics as "How the West Was Hung," is supplementing his sex
job by working as a valet at Bohemian Grove, the all-male annual
gathering inside a 2,700-acre redwood forest in Monte Rio, Calif.,
that has been attended by every Republican president since Calvin
Coolidge, as well as by industrial titans and media magnates.
"All of us valets in the Grove are tittering about it," says our
Bohemian blabbermouth. "To think there's all these powerful
conservative guys having their drinks and food served to them by a
gay porn star. He makes their beds and attends to their every need —
and they have no idea who he really is."
Bigwigs who have attended the two-week retreat include George
H.W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Alan Greenspan,
Walter Cronkite, Newt Gingrich, Alexander
Haig, Jack Kemp, Henry Kissinger, Colin
Powell, John Major, William F. Buckley,
and former C.I.A. director William Casey.
Savage is at the Grove under his real name — which we wouldn't
reveal to Grove spokesman Sam Singer, because we didn't want
the valet to lose his job. But Singer said the club didn't care
about his past. "All that matters is that the valets do good
service," he said. "That's really all that matters."
Savage sure knows how to provide "service." When he starred in
"How the West Was Hung" in 1999, one reviewer wrote that he wore a
"beatific grin" while engaging in an orgy, and added that his
"youthful enthusiasm is entirely winning."
When they're not listening to policy speeches, "Bohos" are known
to urinate freely in the redwoods and perform mock-druidic rituals
that revolve around a 40-foot-tall stone owl. In one ritual, called
"Cremation of Care," members wearing red-hooded robes cremate a
coffin effigy of "Dull Care" at the base of the owl altar.
While the club has claimed its share of accomplishments — Grovers
privately boast that the Manhattan Project to develop the atom bomb
was conceived on its grounds — its oddball activities aren't for
everyone. Richard Nixon once famously described the gathering as
"the most faggy goddamned thing you could ever imagine."
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