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HEDONISTIC hotties Paris Hilton and Bijou Phillips may have finally met their match in porcine porn legend Ron Jeremy.

We heard a delectable rumor about a bathroom encounter the trio had after last year's Los Angeles premiere of "Wonderland," the indie flick about doomed porn star John Holmes that starred Val Kilmer and Hilton.

It seems that at an all-night after-party at the Chateau Marmount, which drew the likes of Daryl Hannah, Christian Slater and Phillips' then-boyfriend, Sean Lennon, Hilton approached Jeremy and asked to see his legendarily large endowment.

Jeremy, who often got the same request from Tracy Bingham, his co-star on TV's "The Surreal Life," is said to have told Paris, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

The hotblooded hotel heiress accepted the deal, and she, Phillips and another lovely young lass took Jeremy to the ladies room at the Chateau Marmount, and went into a stall.

The ladies pulled up their shirts and showed Jeremy their breasts, and he, in turn, exposed his massive member.

"It's definitely bigger than Sean's!" blurted Phillips.

So, naturally, when we had the chance to lunch yesterday at Nello's with Jeremy - who is promoting "Gentlemen's Club Championship 2004," a pay-per-view event featuring strippers in an "American Idol" format - we had to ask him about the randy rumor.

"No comment," said Jeremy, cracking a wide smile that would indicate some truth to the tale.

Meanwhile, Jeremy's fellow Gentlemen's Club Championship judge, Chaunce Hayden, is still locked in a feud with Scores.

It's been nearly two years since Hayden announced he was writing a tell-all book, "Lapdance," with a former Scores manager, Tony Lombardi. Hayden -the Steppin' Out magazine editor who is trying out for Stuttering John Melendez' job on the Howard Stern show this week - has been persona non grata ever since.

Even though he'll appear as a judge on the event, Hayden was told he couldn't attend last night's party at Scores promoting the May 21 strip-off.

Scores management is still upset Lombardi revealed that "Ice-T liked to hang out by the ladies room at Scores and attach a string to a dollar bill and watch the girls bend over to pick it up," and that Steven Tyler of Aerosmith "treated his daughter Liv to a lapdance on her 16th birthday."

Hayden has some advice for Scores' longtime publicist, Lonnie Hanover: "Get some fresh air . . . the poor guy has glitter on the brain."


EARTH to Lloyd Grove . . . The over-hyped columnist for the Daily News, who calls his pillar "Lowdown," showed how low he can go yesterday when, in his desperation to fill space, he picked up a story from Us Weekly about the inspiration for Apple, the name of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's baby girl. As PAGE SIX readers learned the day before, Marty Diamond, the booking agent for Martin's band, Coldplay, named his daughter Apple last year. Hey Lloyd, if you're going to steal stories from magazines, take the fresh ones. Grove's comment: "One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch of items."


PETE Townshend, in town for The Who concert at the Garden on Saturday, walking out of Whole Foods in the Time Warner Center with a Brit-accented blonde and climbing into a chauffeured black Mercedes . . . BRITISH handbag and shoe designer Anya Hindmarch celebrating her 10 years in business with a private dinner at the new 5 Ninth with pals.


WHICH trio of network TV execs quenching their thirsts at Spice Market loudly discussed "actresses" they could rent for $2,500 to $4,000 an hour? "What do you get for $4,000?" asked one. "Not a lot of emotion!" his pal replied . . . WHICH '80s literary sensation's husband has been having a cross-continental fling with a pretty staffer at a London newspaper? The cheating hubby has been taking plenty of "business trips" to Paris and Brussels to tryst with his secret sweetheart . . . WHICH leading man is so desperate for his summer movie to be a hit, he called up a top critic and promised him oral sex if he "helped" him out with a good review? His wife has no idea of the "promise," but the actor does need some assistance - his last few movies have flopped.


GRAYDON Carter - who edited the New York Observer for nine months in 1991-92 - is excoriated in a long editorial in this week's edition of the salmon-colored broadsheet, and fingers are pointing at the paper's owner, Arthur Carter, as the author of the harangue. Graydon, who left the Observer to edit Vanity Fair, is taken to task for "taking money from the movie people his magazine covers." But friends of the "star-struck bon vivant," as the Observer refers to Graydon, say Arthur Carter (no relation) "bears a grudge" over the way Graydon abruptly left his employ. "Arthur has an ax to grind and he's grinding it," said one Graydon fan. Observer editor Peter Kaplan won't say who wrote the screed, calling the editorial process at the Observer "arcane" and "internal." But Kaplan said he agreed with the "fair and judicious" editorial, which concludes with an image of a future Graydon working in Hollywood, where moguls no longer return his calls.


NOTE to celebrities: Ditch your entourages! "That '70s Show" stars Danny Masterson (above) and Wilmer Valderrama showed up at Bungalow 8 late Tuesday with several drunken guys. One man dressed in a suit took offense when the club's renowned doorman, Armin, showed the group to a table and placed his hand on the man's arm. The drunk snarled: "Get your hands off me!" before "flipping out," according to the club's owner, Amy Sacco. Armin quickly subdued the would-be pugilist and tossed out the entire group. "Danny and Wilmer were great and had nothing to do with it," Sacco said. "They were embarrassed by their friend."


THE Farrelly brothers - who have brought us such comic gems as "Dumb & Dumber," "There's Something About Mary" and "Me, Myself & Irene" - are hard at work on their next project: "The Ringer." Insiders tell us Peter and Bobby Farrelly's next movie is about "a guy who rigs the Special Olympics by acting like he's retarded and entering hmself as a contestant." Sadly, "South Park" creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker have beaten them to the punch: A recent episode showed Eric Cartman entering the Special Olympics - only to lose every competition due to his obesity.


TOM Cruise (above) is apparently a fan of the latest Los Angeles fad: hairlessness. A spy who has seen the actor in a sauna reports: "Tom has no hair on any part of his body except for his head." Cruise and other follicle-free fellas love the bald body look because it makes them "lighter, and is a cleaner look." Cruise's rep, and sister, Leeanne Devett said: "This is the first I have heard of this. Tom would not be part of this trend."


CHAZZ Palminteri was barred from Larry Flynt's Hustler Club the other night after he refused to check his overcoat. Most strip clubs require that gentlemen check their coats before they enter - as a precaution against them smuggling in cameras, or even booze - but Palminteri wouldn't hear of it. "He refused to take his coat off," says a source. "They knew who he was, but they wouldn't let him in." After several minutes of debate, Palminteri finally turned on his heels and left.


MICHAEL Moore's anti-Bush film "Fahrenheit 9/11" isn't even original. Two years ago, "9/11: The Road to Tyranny," a real documentary by Alex Jones, had most of the "facts" Moore uses in his scatter-shot diatribe. Jones, who is less interested in making money than the self-aggrandizing Moore, released his film for free on his Web site www.infowars.com, where it drew legions of new fans, including producer Curt Johnson, who is hiring Jones as a consultant on a political action thriller titled "Wake Up."


CONSERVATIVE pun- dit Ralph Reed may be a bit lonely when he serves as closing speaker at the Personal Democracy Forum at the New School on Monday. He's the only right-winger on a list of speakers, which reads like a who's who of liberal politics, and includes New School president Bob Kerrey (former senator and governor of Nebraska), Arianna Huffington, Howard Dean's ex-campaign manager Joe Trippi, Danny Goldberg of Artemis Records and the ACLU, MoveOn.org's Eli Pariser, Time columnist Joe Klein, Council Speaker Gifford Miller and Councilman Anthony Weiner. The conference - produced by Dem fund-raiser and Irving Plaza founder Andrew Rasiej - will look at how the relationship between politics and the Internet is changing the election process.


THE ugly business of beauty marches on. Former Bobbi Brown protégé Beth Bender, creator of the "Get in Line" eyeliner stencil, has yet to make good on a settlement she signed with venture capitalist Granger Whitelaw, and he's on the verge of taking the company's new owner, Total Entertainment Inc., to court for his $3 million. "I was brought into Beth Bender to run the company, and my settlement was with Beth Bender," Whitelaw said, but he hasn't been paid by Bender or Total Entertainment. "I don't care where the money comes from. It's just a really ugly, terrible mess." Besides Whitelaw, there's a list of publicists, Web designers and consultants who have yet to be paid. "Everybody will be paid," Bender insisted. "[Granger] created all of these problems. He lied to me and all the people I work with. He bankrupted my company in less than six months." A source familiar with both sides said Bender is not blameless. "She was right there with him writing the checks."

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