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Feminist Airheads Stick it to the Patriarchy by ‘Womanspreading’

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Louder With Crowder
November 29, 2017

Feminists think they can bring the so-called patriarchy crumbling down by making big statements. Like forgoing basic hygiene. Or ballooning to the size of a hippopotamus. So far, the only strides they’ve made have been toward heart disease and a lifetime of loneliness.

But, if at first you don’t succeed… Which brings us to their latest endeavor: “womanspreading.

Celebs are taking a stand against manspreading — the annoying habit men have of obnoxiously spreading their legs too far apart while sitting, especially on a public bus or train — by uncrossing their legs.

#Womanspreading is the new female power stance taking over Instagram where ladies crouch or sit down in an open leg position and casually vogue for the camera.

“Women are realizing they don’t have to conform to any so called ‘appropriate ladylike’ way to sit,” pop culture expert Valerie Greenberg tells Moneyish. “It’s a movement that says we’re equally powerful.”

Fighting a behavior you despise by engaging in it? Yeah, that’ll show ’em.

Bernie Eye Roll

Silly feminists. Manspreading has zilch to do with “dominance” or “power.” The real cause is simple anatomy. I’ll spare you all the gory details, but let’s just say it’s quite unpleasant and involves dangles being strangled.

Most women don’t give a feminist’s cottage cheese posterior about man-or-womanspreading. The only people who seem to care are unemployed, feminist pudge-monsters with nothing better to do. Aside from picking the lint out of their bellybuttons and gorging on cheesecake.

Despite feminist dum-dums’ tin-hat theories, there’s no patriarchal conspiracy to subjugate the ladies using manspreading. Just a simple desire for comfort. Any blue-haired feminist warthog who thinks otherwise is welcome to take a shot at having an outie instead of an innie.

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This article was posted: Wednesday, November 29, 2017 at 6:39 am

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