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You’re Probably A Terrorist If…

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Vicki Crawford
Naples Daily News
Monday, March 23, 2009

You’re probably a terrorist if you supported former presidential candidates like Ron Paul, Bob Barr, or Chuck Baldwin. The guy with the flip-charts doesn’t count. Yet.

You’re probably a terrorist if you’re against the New World Order, the North American Union, and those united numbskulls, the UN. Reading Tom Clancy novels doesn’t help your case.

You’re probably a terrorist if you’re against abortion, against illegal immigration, and against gun control. If you’re just against paying taxes you could be a terrorist unless you’re a member of the presidential cabinet or a congressional representative, then you’re excused.

You’re probably a terrorist if you’re against RFIDs (Radio Frequency Identification) and universal service programs. You’re probably a terrorist if you’re for the US Constitution, for property rights, for national sovereignty, and for Christian ideologies.

You’re probably a terrorist if you’ve seen Aaron Russo’s “America: Freedom to Fascism”. Same goes if you’ve watched “Zeitgeist”. Got to wonder if “V for Vengeance” is on the list.

You’re probably a terrorist if you stock up on things like water, baby formula, ammo, cigarettes, alcohol, denim jeans, and medicines. And for all you folks rushing out to buy guns and ammo out of fear that the current administration will enact severe gun restrictions, hey, you may have made the list as well.

  • A d v e r t i s e m e n t

You’re probably a terrorist if you go around carrying things like cameras, binoculars, hand held tape recorders, maps or charts, sketch pads, notebooks, SCUBA equipment, or disguises. Or a tourist.

So far Mom and apple pie aren’t on the list, and if you think that all the above is utter nonsense, think again. And while you’re at it, scrape off those bumper stickers, hide your flag collection, and get rid of your gold lest those things also give you away as being a terrorist.

This “nonsense” comes from sources such as the Missouri Information Analysis Center Strategic Report: The Modern Militia Movement (dated 20 Feb 2009), the “If you encounter” pamphlet from the Phoenix branch of the FBI, the Texas Department of Public Safety and Criminal Law Enforcement pamphlet titled “Terrorism: What the Public Needs to Know”, and Virginia’s “Terrorism & Security Awareness Orientation for State Employees”. Additionally there are several news stories and commentaries on the Internet concerning these definitions of terrorists.

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This article was posted: Monday, March 23, 2009 at 12:12 pm

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